Elevator sighers

Most people that work in an office where the elevator is the main mode of vertical transportation has more than likely met this person. Here is the scenario:

You are on the elevator in plenty of time to arrive to the office without having to worry about missing a meeting, or ignoring any of your own responsibilities. Suddenly Indiana Jones cracks their whip inside and grabs onto a hand rail and pulls themselves inside before the trap door smooshes them or the boulder behind them crushes them. Their face flushed sweat beading up on their foreheads, and an angry tribe of natives shooting at them with arrows.

In their haste to enter they barely realize that someone else is on THEIR elevator. The nerve!! Once they realize they are not alone AND that the number already illuminated is lower than theirs which guarantees a 7.32 second delay in their busy schedule, their 10mm sigh-gun by is loaded with a deep breath. The sigh that escapes from their, soon to be pursed, lips is one that is usually reserved for a 3 year old prior to a tantrum that involves kicking, screaming, and their personal lack of a toy called something like the electronic-tickle-my-wiggle-barny-pants or some such contraction. The world falls black and the red glow seeping from their eye holes begins to scorch the pseudo-wood surroundings. The only other colors in the elevator is is the incessant blue flash from the bluetooth headset that all important people feel the need to wear as a badge of importantness.

Suck it up champ. Your inability to set your blackberry, secondary phone, HDTV timer or the old school alarm thing that would have allowed you to get your overpaid, underworking ass into the office on time is not my problem. Maybe skipping that "grande, no whip, soy, extra hot, Peppermint Mochachino with 1 shot, 2 equals and a splenda" would have saved you the precious seconds you are now missing. Until you can open up power bar breakfast and find that magical golden ticket that will eventually win you that coveted private glass elevator you will have to continue to ride the elevator with the rest of us measly people that know how to plan our time.

These are the same people that as the doors open and the fake florescent "light" breaks the blinding darkness continue to stand in the middle of the open doors and make my elegant exit difficult. I'm not a small guy, but I dont take the width of the entire width of the double door to extricate myself either. You just had 9 floors to decide which way you would scoot once this trying moment came but the best you can do is stand there looking confused like this is the first morning we have danced this dance. Try being more like the pawn on a chessboard and take one step forward, I have faith you can do it

One of these days as I leave I want to reach back and hit every stupid button between the current floor and the one that you get off at. Oh that makes me a prick? It is either that or I wrap that power tie around your neck until your face turns the same color as the pink shirt you wear because it makes you look sensative!!